In the reworks of doing hotstickybun I was fortunate to come across some old baddies but goodies from the days when other people actually used to write on this website. I still hear the younger generation (the ones I was told visited my site daily at Beaverlodge Regional High back in the day) talk about the notorious Trav “complaint” article. You see back in the day Trav was an angry man…then again I think the majority of our sausage party crew were angry at the world, but the pure genius was it that I actually managed to squeeze two measly articles out of the guy.
The first one was a tirade on the state of shitty drivers in Grande Prairie and a beef with Apple and there shitty customer service. Obviously the complaint never quite hit close to home as drivers are still shitty in Grande Prairie and Apple still has shitty service…but at least apple products are superior to anything else, I still get aroused playing with my iphone (it has nothing to do with the stripper dancing on it I swear).
The first article was a wash getting his mind wet for his next and what would be last article trashing all the wanna be fatties who try to dress sexy and end up showing off a little to much.
Enjoy….
Trav’s Beaverlodge Famous Complaint Article
Idiot Fatties
Well folks I’m not denying it, it has been many a moon since I have been able to take the time to relax and find something worth writing an article about. Between finals and field school and now work I am beginning to feel a little overworked and under drunk (if that makes sense). I even had the privilege of working May long weekend, which apparently was a complete blow out from all the camps I have so far heard from.
Now I know that it is very hard to find something to complain about up here in God’s country, and honestly, I was nervous coming home that I would not be able to find material suitable enough for the Bun. But low and behold, leave it to the ever increasing cocaine capital of Alberta ( Grande Prairie) to give me some inspiration. Now this is something that is a bit traumatic to me, and usually becomes a repressed memory sometime mid September every year. It is even something I have given a name to, and am seriously trying to have emplaced as a condition in a scientific journal of medicine. I call it the Grande Prairie Syndrome, and no, it has nothing to do with raging alcoholic sausage parties (although that would probably also qualify).
This is the horrible condition where girls in GP like to think that they are runway models and can wear the same type of clothes as runway models. In the words of the late great Hunter S. Thompson “This Is Wrong”. This is something that happens way too often in Grande Prairie, and by way to often I mean roughly 3 out of every 4 women. You barely even have to make it in to town to notice these women walking around, I mean hell, I usually don’t make it past the west side industrial park. The other night I attended the showing of Star Wars with my lady friend, as I was purchasing my snacking foods, I came very near to vomiting as a group of girls came into the mall; loud, obnoxious, and about 14 sizes to large for the clothes that they were wearing. Having nightmarish flash backs to my Coral days I quickly headed for the embracing darkness of the theatre. Desperately hoping that this was just a fad prevalent in the young girls of Grande Prairie I went to Hammerheads for supper a few days later with some work associates. Horrified, I discovered that the older “smarter” ladies of the town were showing the exact same symptoms. These experiences are almost enough to make me boycott my trips into GP (and those of you who know me already know that 2 trips is damn near amazing for me) because I fear that some time in the near future I may have to gouge my own eyes out with a Philips head screw driver.
Now I am not saying that bigger girls are ugly or anything like that. I know plenty of bigger girls that are way better looking than some of the crack-head skanks you see wandering around these days and way more fun to party with. All I am saying is people have to start realizing the truth about their bodies and dressing appropriately. Hell, I am the first to admit that I am an extremely hairy man with a good sized beer belly. Hence, I do not walk around in public without a shirt on, or worse yet, a belly shirt; could you just fuckin imagine.
So to all you Grande Prairie Syndrome sufferers out there, I am giving you fair warning. Start buying clothes that fit you or else I am going to come around with a fucking permanent marker and write derogatory comments about other races on your exposed skin, because, as I can only assume, you must have it displayed for advertising purposes.
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