There are many things that I’m thankful in life. Webbed feet, a third nipple, 6 toes are all a few things to name that I’m thankful I don’t have although webbed feet while ugly would be pretty sweet considering the speed you’d get swimming. Would the Olympics make a rule voiding your entry because you’re disfigured (or is it genetically enhanced)? More importantly would you be as bad ass as Kevin Costner was in Waterworld (insert huge sarcastic laugh). Over the last couple weeks I’ve made no secret about it the one thing that I’m thankful more then anything is being part of the male gender, I won’t say man because, well, let’s face it my immaturity level ranks right up there with a 12 year old. A 12 year old boy that is! I begin to wonder though if girls feel the same way about their gender and why it would suck to be a guy…haha yeah right it, it doesn’t suck.
My Top 10 Reasons It’s Gotta Suck To Be a Girl
Ok so maybe it’s a little harsh and maybe I’m doing it so we can get some members of the opposite sex come onto this website and tell us all to shut up. It doesn’t matter though, hotstickybun is reaching new heights and it starts by somehow getting girls involved, whether it be by complimenting there features or insulting them we have to try to do something for the love of GOD, if I have to dress up Big Show in a Bikini to attract women to this website I’ll do it.
Ok so away we go.
Although simulated, women age far worse then men
Number 10 – The Aging Process
I had a tough time putting this at number ten considering later in life it will end up being a huge issue to a lot of women but for teh vast majority of females who visit this website (3-4) age isn’t a factor right now. Men do tend to age a little better than women do because of their thicker skin caused by their male hormones. This causes fewer wrinkles and keeps their skin looking younger for longer. However, there is also evidence to suggest that women sometimes do age better than men, though generally it is not as substantial as research showing men aging better than women.
It all depends upon the individual, how much sun exposure the person has had, how many years a person has smoked, if at all and how much exercise a person does. All of these things contribute towards the aging process and women who do not smoke, do not expose their body’s to the sun too often, and who eat healthily and exercise regularly, often age just as well as men, if not better. So overall it depends on the individual but men have been proven to age better than most women.
Pretty women 15-35 have the world at their knees, but after that…men usually have the last laugh.
Makeup looks good but it sure takes long
Number 9 – It takes time
On the flip side of the aging process women have multiple options at their disposal to cover up wrinkles and other skin imperfections but again for some men this is a huge pain in the ass. While it takes some women upwards of an hour (and more) to get ready it often takes a good sensed logical man anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes to get ready…30 being utterly extreme.
This past summer I par took in Mr. and Mrs Perrins wedding and thanks in large part to being hungover I was late en route to Beaverlodge. Thankfully with my male skills I managed to shower, wash my hair, brush my teeth, get into dress clothes, and be out the door in 5 minutes (I believe it was approx. 4 and a half minutes). Now show me a woman who can do that and I will be forever in blue jeans.
Crying, one of many emotions
Number 8 – Emotions
Everyone has cried at one point in their lives but the majority of women out there (with the aid of mother nature) often can’t keep there emotions in check. Throw alcohol into the mix and it often at times gets worse. Any guy will tell you he can’t count how many times he has seen girls crying at bars because guys were being douches or that girl is just to emotional to begin with.
Let’s not forget all that post breakup/marriage stuff. Of course it swings both ways but more often then not when a girl gets dumped she spends the next month mulling over what happened and how much of an asshole her ex is, how much she still loves him, or how she can win him back. A guy on the other hand gets dumped he calls his buddies, gets drunk, and then heads out on the prowl to try and find his next girlfriend.
Number 7 – Social Expectations
No one looks good with a lot of junk in the trunk, love handles, double chin duckfaces, etc. Me Especially. But in today’s sexist society it is far more important for a woman to be skinny then a man. It’s almost as if you’re not a skinny model you should be living in a dungeon and not showing your face in public. Everywhere you look whether it be in People magazine, on a billboard, a newspaper ad etc, 99% of the time it involves a skinny person. Heck what’s even worse advertisements involving fast food are always surrounded by skinny people. I suppose though they can’t say “Hey eat McDonalds and you’ll become a tank”.
Number 6 – Reputations
A guy sleeps with multiple girls he’s considered a hero, a girl sleeps with a bunch of dudes she’s considered a slut. What’s worse is her friends usually agree. This is one concept I’ve never fully understood. Why is it a guy can enjoy himself with multiple partners but a girl can’t. I think if one likes bumping uglies, regardless of gender, do it and enjoy it.
Number 5 – Peeing
OK girls lets face it, how many of you out there dont wish you were a guy specifically for this reason alone? If there is one thing about being a guy that is sweet it’s the ability to pee anywhere in the world efficiently and effectively. Whether it be the side of the road of an interstate mid afternoon or off the bow of a boat it is so much easier to pee.
I’ve seen some girls try to imitate the stand up pee with some success but it was weird to say the least. Picture a girl in the mens bathroom with her boyfriend peeing in a urinal standing up.
Food for thought.
Number 4 – PMS
There comes a time usually once a month when nature takes its course. I won’t dive into specifics because we all know what I’m talking about. Rage, red rivers, and being uncomfortable are just the tip of the ice berg. As guys when a girl is being cranky we usually pawn it off saying “Oh she must be PMSing”.
Number 3 – Giving Birth
I can’t comprehend what it’s like to squeeze something about the size of a watermelon through the size of a hole small enough (insert derogatory comment here to win!) ______________. I cant help but almost laugh a little at all the shitty bad luck girls have when it comes to mother nature. PMS is bad but this one is the worst. Sure when your baby is born it makes it worth while I’m sure. But carrying around extra weight for 9 months, the labour process, the hormones, etc etc.
Then here you have us guys who plant our seed and we’re done with the whole child birth process, figuratively speaking.
Number 2 – Mr. PAP
While some men will consider gynacology a hobby of theirs most women would probably stay home rather then attend there check up. Yet no matter what for the most part this has to happen. The thought of having some cold instrument shoved up my pee hole is making me cringe. Thankfully that only happens when one is unsafe and deals with she males and $5 hookers from Edmonton.
Sex with men has to be terrible and repulsive
Number 1 – Sex
Finally the number one reason why it sucks to be a girl.
Sex.
Not just one thing about but a whole bunch of factors. First off all men are gross. Some have hair growing where it shouldn’t, others smell of bad BO, and worse yet our sex organ is the penis (wang, tally whacker, schlong, johnson, etc.) That right there just screams “NASTY”.
Then of course if you deal with that you’re left with having to deal with the actual act of sex. What if the “size” is to small, what if by chance he doesn’t know how to crank some dials, and worst yet…what if it’s over in a minute? These are all things that women are faced with and usually stumble upon daily. If your girlfriend isn’t wanting sex, well it means she is either in her monthly cycle or you just flat out suck at doing the deeds.
On the other hand as guys…
Sex is good regardless of size, length, or time. The end result always feels the same whether it lasts 2 minutes or two hours.
Of course if you’re like all of us at HSB you really can’t listen to what I’m saying because we dont have sex anyway. We’re all strict catholics.
Syyyyyyyyyke (yeah Im bringing that back into pop culture)
I loooove being a guy.
The post Thank You Mother Nature appeared first on HotstickyBun.